Client after client, colleague after colleague, friend after friend kept telling me the same thing: how different I was, but they couldn't describe how.
They would say,
“I cannot explain it, you just see things so different than anyone else.”
This phrase would transition into them asking me to help them, coach them, to see the world, struggles, life, the same way I did. They would describe how much they valued and appreciated how unique my perception was and the impacts it made in their life, their relationships, and their work.
I was honored I had the ability to help, to coach others.
However, I was also intrigued, because I genuinely didn’t realize I was different. Why was my perspective so unique? Looking back, I realize people couldn’t describe what the difference was, because I never shared the secrets hidden deep within. I was a trauma survivor. My youth was shadowed by childhood sexual abuse, and my life led to a long-term domestic abuse relationship.
As a pre-teen, I began to understand my life wasn’t right,
but I felt little ability to influence the outcome.
I tried to report what was happening, but no one believed me.
In the solitude of my childhood bedroom, I swore, when I was old enough to get away, I would and I would never let anyone ever hurt me again.
This hope for a better future kept my fire alive.
Yet, over a period of the next 20 years, one small manipulative moment at a time, I discovered I was in a domestically abusive relationship.
I had no clue how I got there but I knew it had to stop!
I owned my own company, and had purchased 3 homes. On the outside, I had “made it.”
But on the inside, a nagging feeling in my core kept telling me,if I didn’t leave it all behind, I was never going to escape this systemic cycle.
Of course, I was scared, but knew nothing in the world was more valuable than my life. I threw some clothes in the trunk of my car and drove away. I turned away from everything I had built over the past 20 years for what mattered more…my sanity, and my life.
I had to figure out how my life got to this place.
It had become clear to me that no one else was going to keep me safe, so I had to figure out how to do it for myself.
Slowly I began to peel back all the layers of trauma I had been through. My thoughts were distored, and memories were hidden, yet I knew the truth lived inside me. I had no clue what a healthy relationship, love, trust, or compassion were supposed to look like. But one thing was certain, I knew how it wasn’t supposed to be.
Overcoming and persevering through such challenging experiences has truly been a lifelong process
Confronting my traumatic experiences and making sense of them in my mind, represents my capacity for reflection and growth.
Therapy and personal coaching led me to powerful shifts in my values, beliefs, thoughts, and how I perceive the world. Those shifts have created a tremendous new perspective on compassion and trust, something I had to learn as an adult vs a child, like most.
At this point in my life, I am no longer ashamed or afraid of where I came from or what happened to me. I am open, willing, and able to share my story with others. In order to get to this place, I had to first recognize how powerful our past expereience, personal biases and fears are at creating distortion of our thoughts. Once we are able to recognize these distortions, we can begin to shift our mindset, influence our perceptions, and improve the outcomes.
Learning to be vulnerable with each other and sharing our stories, creates trust, compassion, and a common understanding
Our ability to be successful in our personal and professional relationships is defined by our ability to recognize our stories, biases & distortions, and redefine them.
We all have the ability to overcome obstacles, embrace change, and inspire others, I simply had a unique journey to redefine my life and create outcomes I am proud of.
Every day I discover new opportunities to help others recognize their potential.
Every individual and team I have worked with has been extraordinary.
If you, or your organization, is ready to shift your mindset, overcome obstacles and improve performance & outcomes, I would love to work with you.
